noideadog: (science)
Sam just reminded me of this and I spent the last ten minutes sitting at my desk laughing my ass off (Sorry, coworkers).


What are birds? We just don't know.
noideadog: (monkey!)
I asked Joel why he was cackling and he said

'Did you know that 60 percent of those who earn $50,000 or more prefer toilet paper to come over the front of the roll and 73 percent of those who earn less than $20,000 prefer under".'

Call me ignorant, but I did not already know that. This and other important toilet paper research is available at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper_orientation#Survey_results
noideadog: (brain)
I asked about freezing my gym membership this morning, and got talking about the reason for it: honeymooning in the Cheeselands. Gym lady reckons I shouldn't go to France. Really?, I ask. Well, she wouldn't, anyway. She used to like their culture, she says, but not any more. She doesn't like their attitude. I can't think of anything polite to say so I say nothing. And make sure to insist on a big car, she adds. They have little tiny cars there, so you have to ask if you want to get a car that's comfortable.

She has never been to France. Did that go without saying? (My money says that she has never met a French person. ) This kind of uninformed bias is surprisingly common, even in New York. I vow to start calling people on this bullshit, in the same way as I call people on it in Ireland when they say that all Americans are stupid. No more, people. No more.

Tanya, wishing everyone would just be friends since 1978.
noideadog: (Default)
me: do you know what?
in 5 weeks and 2 days, you'll have a wife
Joel: !
who is it going to be?
me: no idea!
Joel: it can't be lucy, because she's a cat
noideadog: (Default)
Pop quiz, hotshots: in the "misc" stage at the end of packing to move house, you notice that the box you've just packed contains many fluorescent bulbs, a camcorder and a box of condoms. What is the hilarious way you label the box? (Note: may not be hilarious if you're not me.)
noideadog: (monkey!)
How old would you be if you were born in august 1966?
What causes millipedes?
How do you discourage a mockingbird?
How can you get your mom to say yes to an aquatic frog?
Why do you think linux and unix share more commands than windows xp and unix?
How do you make your hair go down?
Is ireland liked?
Did anybody die in the film titanic?
Does Wario have a girlfriend?
How many cm is 32mms?
What does canada import from canada?
How do you loose varginity?


WikiAnswers, people. Beware, it is the ultimate eater of time.

I answered a couple, most notably "What state is Ireland in?". I said "Sure it's in a terrible state altogether.". This joke is older than I am, and I still laugh my ass off every time.
noideadog: (monkey!)
This one time at work, I wrote "Call Tanya" on a whiteboard, and pointed a video-conferencing unit at it, and dialled it from another video conferencing unit in someone's office, and moved that to the desk of the person who I wanted to see the message. That's a pretty inefficient way to send a message.

Here's another: http://www.jamesjoycehouse.com/
(You have to look beyond the blank screen)
noideadog: (coffee)
From a dude at work: "a bad analogy is like a leaky screwdriver".
noideadog: (coffee)
At the office. Phil and Sam want to go for burgers. They're waiting for Tanya to finish up work. Tanya is almost finished.. almost finished.. really, nearly there.. Sam yells "NON MASKABLE INTERRUPT!". Tanya walks away from her screen. They all go for burgers. (Non-nerds, this is pretty funny, trust me.)
noideadog: (natural dancer)
Best thing from today so far, from a mail asking for initial ideas for our office Christmas party:


the guidelines:

1. budget is [blah]
2. number of people is [blah]
3. must have 2 clowns (1 making balloon animals, 1 just looking scary and unapproachable)


I laughed and laughed and laughed.


In other news, I signed up for the 'history of ny architecture' course, largely because Joel's interested in doing it too. I'm almost certain I won't have enough free time and will therefore be stressed and irritable for most of Autumn, but there you go.

"..but there you go" is a very useful expression I picked up from someone on here, possibly [livejournal.com profile] mockduck. You really can justify anything, no matter how irrational, by explaining why it's a bad idea and suffixing it with "but there you go"
noideadog: (culture)
Found accidentally online. You don't expect the irish independent letters page to deliver a lot of wisdom, and yet..

"Micheal O Nuallain (Letters, July 5) draws attention to the fact that there is no word for 'Yes' or 'No' in the Irish language and, hence, the impossibility of voting 'Yes' or 'No' to Lisbon in that language.

I have consulted Tomas de Bhaldraithe on this point and for 'Yes' and 'No' he prefers 'Sea' and 'Ni hea', which means it is and it isn't and, of course, differs from 'Ta' and 'Nil' (there is and there is not) used in the referendum.

That one cannot, in the first official language, get a plain 'Yes' or 'No' to a question, says something about the Irish psyche."

Nice, no?
noideadog: (drum)
Course, I have to reply to Tina's letter, but I can't think of bad enough jokes. Do you know any very bad jokes?
noideadog: (monkey!)
I got a letter in the actual post with actual handwriting. I think this is the best letter I've ever received. It's definitely one for the keepsakes box. God, I wish I was fifteen and still wrote like this. (The dresses and shoes refer to bridesmaid costumes for middle-sister-Aishling's wedding next month)


Hello Tanya,
This is a letter from your best little sister Tina & Boozie-Ann a.k.a Julie!

I decided to write you a letter.

HELLO!

Here is the letter!!!


Joke! Why did the one handed man cross the road??
To go to the 2nd hand shop!


HA HA

Julie got the dress taken in on her.. it doesnt look like a tent anymore haha
How are you??

I got my shoes dare grooovy!!

X X X X

We are posting your dress today

Sorry your dress is in a shoebox

We are very poor because of the price of changing Julie's dress

You can reply to me by writing to me

Incase u forget my address is!

[my family's address. The house I grew up in.]

Slan for now!!
noideadog: (monkey!)
Ag damhsa sa disco, bumper-ta-bumper. Fan noimead! Cá bhfuil mo gheansaí?


An cuimhníonn tú an amhrán seo? Tá mé ag canadh é go minic inniu, ach.. a weird thing.. ceapaim nach raibh sé as gaelige, fadó fadó. Níl fhios agam cén fath a bhfuil sé as gaelige i mo cheann. *shrug*




Sin é an sceal: Bhionn [livejournal.com profile] dbrane ag scriobh go minic as an teanga Rúiseach (ach leis cúpla focail spéisiúil as bearla), agus go hiondúil go brea liom bheith abalta a chuid litreacha a léim, ach, of course, ní thiguim ar chor ar bith.

So, sin é an fáth a smaoinigh mé go bheadh sé greannmhar bheith ag scriobh as an sean-teanga anseo, ach leis cupla focail as bearla, mar shampla divide by zero error, agus but I had to give the pony back again. Bhuel, táim ag gáire ar aon nós :-)

Tá an fadhb mór, afach, nach bhfuil mé in ann aon rud úsáideach a labhairt. Sin é. Ceart go leor. Is maith liom cáca milis. Actually, for that matter, ba mhaith liom cáca milis anois. Slán abhaile.
noideadog: (booze)
Tanya: I've ordered a sidecar twice when it wasn't on the menu, and both times the person didn't have a clue what I was saying. I have to practice saying 'sidecar' so people can understand it.
Joel: you need to emphasise the 'd'
Tanya: siDeh-car?
Joel: soyid-car?
Tanya: or in fact "fuck you"
Joel: or you could take the buuuuus?
Tanya: or "fuck you"?
Joel: how's your buuke?
Tanya: it's fuck you.
Joel: oh, you're frisky this evening.

See what I have to put up with? (But things just aren't as funny when you write them down, are they?)

Sidecars are really yummy. You take some brandy, half as much cointreau and the same half as much lemon juice, and you shake it in ice to make it cold, and it's just about as delicious as anything can be. Mostly people coat the rim of the glass in sugar, but that's gack so I don't do it.




Today I bought a bunch of herbs. Someone posted a while back about plants that are poisonous to cats, and I wish I'd read that at the time, because it seems like most things make cats sick. Tomatoes can, for one thing, and marigolds, and something called croton, which isn't really a herb, but I thought would look nice in the window box. I haven't seen Lucy eat plants ever. How much of a gamble is it to have stuff around her that'll make her sick? I've read some conflicting articles, varying from "cats are smart enough not to eat stuff that'll hurt them" though "my cat eats tomatoes every day; where's this toxicity claim coming from?", to "if your cat sees tomatoes at a distance, she will DIE!!". Having a cat is a lot of responsibility.

Lucy's definitely my cat too by now, not just Joel's. Being the one to take her to the vet made that true for me, especially sitting in the waiting room worrying about her tests. She's an excellent cat. I love her a lot.




In other news, I bought a radio-controlled power switch thing, so that we don't have to get out of bed to unplug the light. Which is a bit under five feet away. We need a word stronger than "lazy" to describe us.

And that reminds me, I was talking about Dim's cat, Achilles, and it was like this:

Tanya: Hey, did you ever notice that Achilles is athletic and likes people? And Dim is athletic and likes people? And..
Joel: You can stop there.

Lucy is rotund and petulant and hates pretty much everyone who isn't currently holding food.
noideadog: (culture)
tanya: *uncharacteristic early-morning exuberance*
joel: *uncharacteristic early-morning coma*
tanya: you probably wouldn't be so tired if you hadn't stayed up 'til 4am reading Harry Potter.
joel: *narrowed eyes*
joel: AVERA KEDAVRA!
joel: ...
joel: *growl*
joel: (.. my kingdom for a wand..)
noideadog: (coffee)

Swamp Thing
Originally uploaded by xymb.
Joel: Hey, Swamp Thing. You know, in some countries, it's traditional to use the towel for drying as well as for a garment.
me: *shlup* *shlup* *shlup* Huh?
noideadog: (natural dancer)
"Any day I was about to get a letter in the post with a coupon for my obligatory cat-lady cats and a recipe for a cardigan."
-- I try to describe 2006
noideadog: (monkey!)
[livejournal.com profile] yellowpigs suggests dinner on Wednesday. Jared-has-no-lj replies. Tanya laughs and laughs.

HELLO,

WE ARE NOT MADE YET ACQUAINTANCE, BUT YET I WAS GIVEN YOUR NAME BY A MUTUAL FRIEND. MY NAME IS DOCTOR JARED BRICK AND I COUNTRY DESPERATELY NEED YOUR HELP. I AM FROM THE TINY COUNTRY OF CANADA, WHERE MY AUNTY GEMIMA IS QUEEN CHIEF OF CANADA. SHE HAS MOST SADLY DEAD BUT HAS LEFT NO WILL. BECAUSE OF THIS I CAN NOT EAT FOR A SHORT TIME UNTIL MY BATTLE OF COURT HAS RESOLVED THIS GRAVEST ISSUE. IF YOU CAN PROVIDE ME WITH FOOD ON THIS WEDNESDAY I WILL BE MOST GRATEFUL TO YOURSELF AND PROVIDE YOU WITH A CHEQUE "ONE MILLION" CANADIAN DOLLARS. PLEASE TO BE LETTING ME KNOW QUICKLY AS TIME IS VERY IMPORTANT.

TAKE CARE,

DOCTOR JARED BRICK
noideadog: (monkey!)
"Yet another email almost sent with escape-w-q at the end of it. I'm considering changing my name to William Quaker"
- [livejournal.com profile] tiarnan_lj copes with a graphical mail client

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