and I are adventurous types, and both of us believe passionately in science. So, when I came in from the pub tonight, and realised that I needed to try out every spice on our spicerack, he was clearly going to get involved. We used as our only equipment eight potato waffles cut into quarters. Here are the results.
1. Chinese Five Spice.
Tanya: Mmm. Spicy! Lovely aftertaste. This is really delicious.
Glen: The diahorrea you'll get from this experiment will be.. explosive.
2. Minced Garlic.
Tanya: Doesn't detract from the waffle experience, but doesn't greatly enhance it either. This is garlicy, true enough, but not all that garlicy.
3. Ground allspice.
Tanya: The ground allspice hasn't been opened yet!
Glen: Good god! This is really pushing back the frontiers!
Tanya: It's .. warm, but ultimately tasteless.
This is the point at which Glen's morbid curiosity compelled him to join the science. Unfortunately it was during one of the world's most boring spices. How disappointing.
Glen: It tastes likes somebody did absolutely nothing to my waffle.
5. Crushed Chillies
Glen: You know you want chilli flakes.
Tanya: I do want chilli flakes. I'm not ashamed of wanting chilli flakes.
Glen: Pray for death.
Tanya: Ow. Yumm. Ow.
6. Medium Curry Powder
Glen: Well, it's medium, so kind of pointless. There's sort of a suggestion of curry.
7. Ground Cloves
Glen: We're both doing cloves. *shakes liberally*
Tanya: Agh. It's like eating turf.
Glen. Fuck. Me. That's nasty. It's the aftertaste that keeps on giving.
Tanya: It's that weird tingly dentist feeling.
Glen: From a very evil dentist.
8. Ground nutmeg.
Glen: Remember, nutmeg is a hallucinogen in large quantities.
Tanya: *long pause* Nothing seems to happen.
Glen: I guess it just works with milk.
Tanya: There was an aftertaste.. I think.
Glen: It's the Des O Connor of spices.
9. Ground cinnamon.
Tanya: Oh god. Oh my god no.
Glen: *spits into bin*
Tanya: That made me want to cry. It really did. That was awful.
Glen: This is why scientists use monkeys.
10. Herbs de Provence.
Tanya: Mmm. Was nice?
Glen: It added.. something.
Glen: Do we even bother with parsley.
Tanya: Don't you understand how science works?!
Glen: Tastes like waffle.
Tanya: Yep. Entirely like waffle.
Glen: This is going to be tricky. I think we have to balance it on the waffle.
Glen: It's.. minty?
Tanya: It's pleasant.
Glen: But boring.
13. Mustard seeds.
Glen: Let's treat this like a whiskey chaser. A shot of waffle and a shot of mustard seed. *demonstrates*
Tanya: I can't taste anything from that.
Glen: Have you even seen a mustard plant.
Tanya: Ah seen a rubber plant.
Glen: You can stop that now.
14. Ground ginger.
Glen: *overloads waffle* Ohhh. You're going to taste this fucker.
Tanya: *pries self off ground* AUUUUGHHHHHH.
Glen: *mocks unkindly*
15. Cinnamon sticks.
Glen: I think this is another shooter.
Glen: We just ate a branch.
Tanya: It was ..cinnamony at the end. Sort of.
Glen: Of all of them, that seems like the best way to die.
Glen: Tomorrow, I shall be talking like James Earl Jones. I'm going to bed.